Craving
by mariedex
Summary: Jack and Sam slip one night.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Craving  
  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers: Four months after FO   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Jack and Sam slip one night.  
  
  
It had been a long day. She had been one of the last to leave the office. All she had to do was stop by the grocery and pick up some milk, then change. Martin and her were going to meet later on that night. They had been doing a lot of that lately. If it wasn't Martin, it was with Danny. Four months since being shot and she still had issues being alone. Danny always provided some comic relief, but Martin, Martin provided something different. She hated to admit that she was using him, but she was. She enjoyed the way he looked at her. The way that she could make him smile, the way his hand would brush the hair out of her face. She enjoyed talking to him, he always allowed her to talk. Something that perhaps she needed more than she would care to admit. No she wasn't using him, she was rather enjoying him. She was using him to get over the loneliness and the emptiness, that hole that Jack had left. It amazed her that she didn't feel this way until after he moved back in with his wife. After he had saved her life, after they had officially ended it. Perhaps she had finally come to the realization that she was only a mistress and that was all that she was allowed to be. Some cheap thing that he used to get himself off before going home to his wife. Marie was something that he would never leave for awhile Sam hadn't allowed herself to believe that, but now it was clear.  
  
So yes, maybe her seeing Martin was a way to get back at Jack. To show him that he didn't hurt her. To let him see that somebody else could do to her what he used to do.  
  
She had been sorting through her purse when she walked up the stairs. Carefully trying to balance her groceries and her purse, she hadn't looked up until she found her keys and then he was there.  
  
Jesus Christ.' She jumped. He had been standing there the whole time.   
  
He apologized.  
  
How long have you been standing there?  
  
About an hour.  
  
She questioned as he grabbed some groceries out of her hand allowing her to open the door.  
  
I, um, just needed to talk.  
  
So you stand outside my doorway for an hour?  
  
Knew you would come here eventually. He already entered the apartment without an invitation. He was busy in the kitchen putting away her groceries. Sam locked the door and took off her shoes, trying desperately to get over her shock and utter confusion about Jack being here.  
What if I had come home with somebody?  
  
But you didn't. Jack answered simply.  
  
But I could have. Damn him she thought, she should have brought somebody, she could bring somebody home with her.  
  
You mean like Martin.  
  
Yes, actually, like Martin. Sam took off her jacket, completely aware that he was staring at her. What did you want to talk about? Let's just get this over, she thought.  
  
How are you doing? He asked walking up behind her.  
  
Fine. But you know that. You get my psych reports.  
  
No, I mean how are you doing?  
  
This whole game he was playing annoyed her. She was too tired to be interrogated by him. What do you want?  
  
I don't want you to see him anymore.  
  
  
  
I don't want you to see Martin anymore. He stepped up closer to her, forcing her up against the wall.  
  
I don't think you have any say in that.  
  
Yes, I do actually.  
  
Sam started laughing. I guess you do. Maybe send OPR after us. Tell them that it is compromising our work. She was mad at him. How dare he come here and tell her whom she can and can not see.  
  
That was all he said as edged closer to her face. She could smell him and the slight smell of alcohol on his breath. He must have gone to a bar before he came her. It was only until he started teasing her mouth with his own, did she realize what he wanted tonight. All of her thoughts left her when he kissed her, exploring her mouth with his tongue. He pushed her shirt up in order to touch her skin. Sam instantly responded by wrapping her leg around his. His lips went down her neck and followed the sleek line of her neck. Sam moaned slightly. Jack then came back up to her mouth, slamming her harder against the wall. He grabbed her other leg and wrapped it around himself. She allowed him to pick her up and bring her into the bedroom. All the time they never lost touch with the others mouth. He placed her on the bed and hovered over her, watching her movements as she tried to undo his pants. Her instincts were guiding her, there was no thought of what she was doing or what he was doing. All she knew was that she needed him, as soon as possible. When they finally were free of their clothes, that was when the intensity began.   
  
He entered into her roughly, not giving her enough time to adjust to him. Adjust to the pain that was Jack, she moaned slightly as he entered. JAck responded by kissing her more intensely with every motion. Tears formed in her eyes. Jack didn't seem to notice. It was if he was fulfilling a craving that he had, with every bit of intensity and emotion. And Sam was allowing him. She could have stopped him, slowed him down. BUt she choose not to. Choose to allow the rawness and pain happen. She knew that he was bruising her, she knew that her back would hurt her in the morning. When he came, he brought her along with him. The release was sweet and painful. She felt him throbbing inside her and she held onto him. She didn't allow him to leave her so easily. She wanted to remember the pain, the ache of this moment.  
  
They laid together for moments. She completely ignored the knock on the door and the buzz of her cell phone. When Jack finally rolled over he fell asleep, he had a slight smile of his face. Sam studied it for a while before turning her back towards him. She laid there awake, completely aware of what had just happened. Somewhere during the night, Jack had rolled over and hugged her. The naturalness of this movement caused Sam to start crying. He had never made her feel cheap, not until tonight. And she had allowed him to. She had missed him so innately, that she didn't care how she had him. She didn't care how much like a whore it made her feel. She knew that he would never admit to it, but she knew that he had come for sex and not Sam. That he had come because she had become a safe pit stop to his home, to his wife. Not because he was in love with her. He had come because he had needed something and he knew that she wouldn't turn him away.  
  
He awoke to her silent tears, very confused to why she was crying. The only thing he could think of was to pull her closer and kiss her shoulder.   
  
You okay? He asked quietly.  
  
Was all that she could answer. It was the cell phone that broke their moment.   
  
Hello. Yes. Where? Okay, yeah I'll met you there. No. I'll call her. Yeah, an hour. Okay. He answered, hanging up the phone. We have to go. A girl was taken out of her room last night.  
  
Sam started to sit up. She tried to act like nothing was unusual about this scene. But it was.  
  
He asked again.  
  
I'm fine. She answered back.  
  
He turned her face around and made her look at him. Her red stained eyes were obvious even in the darkness. He kissed her forehead And pulled her towards him into an embrace. He started repeating that he was sorry, over and over again. Every word made her cry harder.   
  
I'm fine. She mumbled into his shoulder. We should get going.  
  
He finally let her go and followed her into the bathroom. Sam. I just missed you so much.  
  
With that honest statement, she smiled. Me too. He came around her and hugged her once more.   
  
We'll talk about this tonight, okay?   
  
Sam closed her eyes, slightly angry at herself for letting him do this to her again, but then there was a slight feeling that she would always let him do this to her, as long as he was always there.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Craving  
  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers: Four months after FO   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Jack and Sam slip one night.  
  
Chapter 2   
  
  
  
  
The day had been hard on her. Viv kept giving her these glances and Sam tried desperately to ignore. Sam was sure she knew, Viv always seemed to know. Jack had teamed up with Sam, which she was sure because he wanted to keep an eye on her. He always did that after a night together. It was like she was a fix for him that he had to have completely. When they got back to the office, she tried to apologize to Martin for standing him up, saying that a friend needed her help and she completely forgot about their date until she got her voicemail this morning. She wasn't quite sure if he believed her or not, but he didn't seem to put up much of a fight.   
  
It was really Danny though that was acting the most weird towards her. He was mad at her and she wasn't exactly sure why.  
  
Hey I was going to grab a quick bite, do you want to come? Sam asked Danny. She knew that she had to get him out of the office. She needed to talk with him. Danny looked up at her, she could tell that instinct was to tell her no but he changed his mind.  
  
He grabbed his coat and followed her downstairs.  
  
He didn't talk the entire time. They ate their lunch in silence. It wasn't until the walk back to the office did he begin.  
  
Stop it. Was all he said.  
  
  
  
Stop it. Don't let him do it to you again.  
  
What are you talking about?  
  
You know exactly what I am talking about, Jack. Stop it.  
  
  
  
Do you think I can't figure out why you stood Martin up? Your friends do not call you in the middle of night because they just broke up with their boyfriends.  
  
How do you know?  
  
Because I know Sam. I know you. I know how you walk after a night with him. I can tell because you withdraw yourself from us when you are with him. It's not good. It's not healthy. I don't want to see you hurt again.  
  
Wait, you knew last time.  
  
I am not a moron. At first, I figured that you two would maybe get it out of your system. But then it kept going and I figured maybe I was wrong that maybe he wasn't going to hurt you. But then he did and I saw you. I know how much he hurt you. You don't deserve it. I know you. I know about your issues with men and I know that if there is one man in the world you can't control, it's Jack Malone.  
  
He didn't hurt me. Sam said stoically. They were now standing outside the FBI building having a whispering argument.  
  
Bull shit. Why the hell would you have gone back to Keller? You wanted someone who you could fuck and then walk out on in the morning. You wanted someone to do exactly what Jack had done to you. Don't think I didn't know that. Don't think I didn't know how upset you were when he moved back with Marie, when he didn't visit you in the hospital. I watched all of that and I didn't say a word Sam. But I am saying a word now, stop it.  
  
It was just one time, a slip up. She replied.  
  
And that's why you are looking at me like that. Because it was a slip up. It was an accident that you wanted to happen, not matter how it did.  
  
Danny, please. Just don't argue with me, don't be mad. It was a mistake and it won't happen again. Believe me I am feeling as crappy about it as I should be. Don't you think that I am not aware that he used me to get off. Do you know how much of a whore I feel like?  
  
That's the problem, you are not that. And nobody, not even Jack Malone has the right do that to you.  
  
I love him, Danny. God, I tried not to, but I do.  
  
But you can't have him. So you have to get over it.  
  
And how do you suggest doing that?  
  
Don't be home tonight. Don't allow him to knock on your door. Stay at my place. We'll go out, have a couple of beers and you'll stay with me. He'll get the hint.  
  
We should probably get back.   
  
Are you okay?  
  
Yeah, I'm fine. But she wasn't. She started to cry again and Danny simply held her.  
  
I just don't want to see you get hurt again.  
  
I know.  
  
The rest of the day Danny watched her like a hawk. Which was not comfortable, considering that Jack had been watching her all day too. It was as if they all were afraid she would break at any moment. At the end of the day, Danny didn't even asked her, he just grabbed her things and made her follow him. She felt like such a child. She knew that Jack watched them walk out together. She knew because it called a couple of minutes later to see if she would be home tonight. She didn't answer the phone and she didn't reply to the message. Instead Danny and her went out. But she decided that she would stay by herself tonight, going against Danny.  
  
Danny brought her home and walked her to the door. Sam was relieved that Jack was not waiting for her. She said good bye to Danny and took a shower. When she got out she heard a knocking at the door. Against her better judgment, she answered it.  
  
I thought that we were going to talk tonight. Jack opened silently.  
  
I decided against it. Sam said standing in the doorway.  



	3. Chapter 3

Title: Craving  
  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers: Four months after FO   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Jack and Sam slip one night.  
  
Chapter 3   
  
  
I think that we need to talk Sam. He said more firmly, placing his hand the door so that she couldn't shut it on him.  
  
I don't know really what we need to talk about. It was a slip up and it won't happen again.  
  
Jack watched her for a moment. He wouldn't admit it but those words hurt. He had never actually slipped with Sam. He had underneath everything secretly debated and decided every move with her. It was never just an accident, except last night. Last night was not planned. He didn't plan on stop by her house, he just did. He didn't plan on telling her not to see Martin, he just did. He also didn't plan on sleeping with her, he just did. And he knew that it had hurt her. She had always needed his controlling, comforting side. She had needed his patience with her and last night there was none of that. If you don't want it to happen again Sam it won't.   
  
Then what did we need to talk about?  
  
Can I come in? He asked, not knowing what entering would mean.  
  
Sam looked at him for a moment and shut her eyes secretly strengthening herself to him. Okay, but only for a few minutes. He walked past her and she shut the door behind him. He walked around the room for a moment and then turned to look at him leaning against the door.  
  
I apologize for what I said last night. I was out of line.  
  
Yeah you were.  
  
If Martin makes you happy, than that's good.  
  
But...  
  
But, nothing.  
  
Why the switch?  
  
Because all day I have been berating myself for last night. Trying to figure out why I would say that to you. And the truth is I'm jealous and I shouldn't be. I have no right to be.  
  
You're right. I'm not yours anymore, no territorial claim allowed.  
  
You never were mine Sam. He whispered as she walked away from the door and sat on her couch. I always wanted to apologize for what happened last night. I hurt you and I'm sorry.  
  
Shit, Jack. Why are you being so polite?  
  
I'm trying to apologize.  
  
You fucked me last night and I let you. That's all, don't bring your guilty conscious over to me. It's Marie who you should be apologizing to, not me. I could care less.  
  
I do not need to apologize to Marie. I am apologizing to you because I hurt you and I never intending for that to happen.  
  
YOu know what Jack, I am really not in the mood. This debate about you and MArie has been going on for too long and I am sick of being in the middle of it. You want to use me for sex, than fine just say it and do it. I obviously will let you. But don't come back here apologizing for it. She got up. SHe had been trying to keep civil this entire time, but she was losing the fight.   
  
You think I used you for sex last night. You think that I meant to hurt you like that. Sam, last night I was working on instinct. The only thing that I could think about was how much I needed you, how much I missed you. I missed that feeling of being inside you and I couldn't help myself. It was like this addiction that I needed to feed. I am not proud of how I treated you last night...  
  
But it was a fix. She added. She smiled slightly at him and walked into the kitchen.   
  
It was more than a fix. Jack was now angry. He hated it when she got like this. He hated when she tried to act like nothing hurt her, like she was immune to emotions.  
  
Jack you don't need to explain I understand.  
  
Stop it.   
  
Stop what. He know was standing in the kitchen doorway, so she didn't need to yell anymore.  
  
Stop acting like you don't care. Like you didn't feel used last night. I know you Sam, I know that last night I crossed a line that I had never crossed.  
  
You didn't cross any line that hasn't been crossed before by other men. Don't worry about really. It doesn't matter. She couldn't look at him as she said.  
  
Stop lying to me Samantha.  
  
She hated it when he used her full name, it always sounded so cold. Jack don't give yourself that much credit, to think that you could hurt me. To think that I was not just some fling you had.  
  
I never used you Sam and it was never about sex. You know that. Sam finally looked at him when he said this. And they both just stared at each other. That moment when Barry told me that you were shot, in that moment I couldn't breath. All I could think about was the last moment that we were together and how I never should have let you go. Then the idiot comes out and says that you are bleeding to death and all I am thinking about is that I can't lose you. At the moment I didn't think about Hannah or Katie or Marie or my job, all I could think about was you. About how I couldn't lose you. Then when I saw your face, I had never seen you so weak in my life. It scared me. I didn't want to let you go. Except I had to.  
  
Sam started.  
  
No, I need to talk about this. I need to tell you. When you were in the hospital, I tried to come, several times. Every time I would walk to your door and watch you. I knew that I had to let you go. I had to stop this. But it is so hard to let go. I could tell that you were still hurting but I couldn't do anything about it. Then you start seeing MArtin and suddenly I become the jealous ex. I kept trying to talk myself out of it. I would eat dinner with Marie and all I could think about was that you were out with Martin. Dammit I am having dinner with my wife and I think about you. I miss you Sam. I have missed you for a long time. And last night was wrong, I shouldn't have used you like that. You deserve more than that.  
  
Don't worry about it. She shrugged nonchalantly.   
  
Don't do that Sam. Don't put yourself down like that. I shouldn't have used you last night. No one should ever use you like that. Do you know what hurts the most is that you let me? Before you would have stopped me, slowed me down. But last night, you let me hurt you. You came not because of arousal, but because of pain. I know that much about you.  
  
So what makes you think that I don't like that? She was still very much on the defensive with him.  
  
God, why do you have to act like that? You are not that hard.  
  
Okay, so... what do you want me to say?  
  
I don't know.  
  
Than where does this little talk stand. Am I slut or a victim, Jack?  



	4. Chapter 4

Title: Craving  
  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers: Four months after FO   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Jack and Sam slip one night.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
  
Jack stood there silent. He didn't know how to respond. How was he supposed to respond to that.  
  
Jack, you know what forget it. I don't need this anymore, so just go. The frustration was evident in her voice.  
  
  
  
  
  
What do you want me to do? What am I supposed to do right now? I am trying to apologize. I am trying to explain to you what happened.  
  
Jack I don't need to listen. I know what happened. You were frustrated at work, so you went out to a bar to clear your head. Only you didn't want to go home so soon, so you came here to your old standby. The woman who will always spread her legs for you.  
  
He yelled. And grabbed her wrist, bringing her into the bedroom. For a moment, Sam was scared, for a moment she thought that she had really pissed him off. Instead of bringing her to the bed like she had thought, he stood her in front of the mirror. I do not want to hear you ever refer to yourself like that. If I had made you feel like that I am sorry. But look at you. You are a beautiful, intelligent, strong woman. You are not some slut, you never could be no matter how hard you tried. I came here last night because I missed you. I didn't just miss the sex, I missed you and everything that comes with you. I have never once used you to get off. If I wanted that I could always pay for it and than at least there would be no attachments. I came to you because I wanted an attachment. I wanted to know how you wore your hair at home. I wanted to know what you smelled like just out of the shower. I wanted to know what you felt like as you tried to sleep. Sex was never part of the equation of you and it was never what I wanted.  
  
Sam turned and stared at him. She could see the hurt and concern that were in his eyes. You are sexual, Sam and that is okay. But what makes you really sexy is your confidence and this vulnerability you have. He was wrong, you know. Your father was wrong. You are beautiful, you are intelligent, you are strong and you are sexy. And all of that is Samantha Spade. This thing with us got out of control, I am the first one to admit that.  
  
She started to interrupt.  
  
Just wait, it got out of control. We got careless and let things go a bit too far. And that was not fair to you. You had a lot more to lose in this relationship. I know what people would say about you if this got out and that was what killed me the most. And then when OPR asked and you lied to them. You lied for me, to protect me and although I know why, that wasn't your place. I was supposed to protect you and make sure that you didn't get hurt. Somewhere in the middle of this all I fell in love with you and I couldn't stop. But at the moment when I couldn't protect you, I knew I had to do something. I knew we had to end it or it would destroy you. And I was not going to let it destroy you. But although logically in my head I can understand and reason what I did. In my heart, I miss you and I can't have you anymore.  
  
Jack, I can't keep doing this. Sam was crying at this moment.  
  
I know. Jack starts to laugh. You know all last year, I was debating whether to go back to Marie, whether to try again. Than suddenly I decide and now I am trying to figure out what I want out of us.  
  
Is there an us? Can we let it start again? I mean before everyone knew but kept their mouths shut, will they do that again. Danny already yelled at me for last night.  
  
  
  
Yeah, he told me to stop this. And the way to stop was to go cold turkey, not see you at all. All night we discussed whether I should transfer or not.  
  
Jack was surprised, he had honestly never thought about it. Maybe I should get demoted, so that I wasn't your superior anymore. He smiled and Sam smiled back at him. God, he missed that smile. That one that was only reserved for him.  
  
You would hate that.  
  
You would hate being transferred.  
  
  
  
So maybe we should just hold out on the decisions for now.  
  
  
  
And just see where we want this to go.  
  
I don't want to be your mistress anymore Jack. She said it firmly, this was the first time she had ever said anything like that. Ever told him honestly how she felt about their affair.  
  
I don't want you to be either. That was all he had to say. That was all that she needed from him. At this moment their relationship was much more than a fling, it was more than an attachment or an addiction. It was a future.


End file.
